I have been thinking all day about what to say, and honestly I couldn’t really come up with anything.. there is a reason I express myself through photos or music as opposed to writing…
But today makes it 2 months since you died .. and even still just saying that feels wrong. After all this time, even though it hasn’t been long, it feels like forever, and yet none of it still feels real to me.
I miss you like crazy. You are always on my mind. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you.. I often find myself spacing out thinking about you, or a memory we shared, and next thing I know I’m sitting there in tears..
People always say it gets easier when you lose somebody as time goes by .. but I’m not so sure.. as the days pass it almost seems to be harder.
I’ve always been skeptical about the whole heaven business, and it seems now I’m even more questionable .. One one hand I really hope thats where you are .. with Vikki and any other loved ones you may have up there with you, waiting for the day I get to see you again,
But also I kind of hope thats all shenanigans, and you’ve been reborn again somewhere, and are living an amazing life, changing the people around you and making the world a better place once again..
I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me the most.
And now you’re gone, and a part of me left with you.
I wonder what would have changed if I just told you how much you mean to me, or if we just hugged in silence, or if I wasn’t to busy with my own life to realize you were losing yours.
Just know I miss you. Every second of everyday I miss you, and I long for more time with you, even though I know that will never happen ..
I love you.. I love you with every fiber of my being.
Rest in Paradise Alex <3
I hate that feeling when you randomly feel depressed. There is no warning, no apparent reason. It just happens. You feel empty, and you feel hopeless. And you just feel tired. As if you never want to move again. Then when someone asks you what’s wrong, you can’t say because there is nothing that comes to mind. Then you start thinking of what it could be, and you realize just how much is wrong.
I do not know where to begin. I guess, you are my mom, and I’m glad that you are. I am glad that you yell at me for all the stupid mistakes that I make. I am glad that you attempt to make me laugh with your sarcastic jokes. I am glad that you work your butt off to let me do something I love, even if it means taking away your free time. I’m glad that you do all the things you do, no matter what they are. I am just glad you’re my mom.
I know we have are arguments, pretty much 80% of the time we are arguing, but that just means that we like to voice are opinions, and we don’t like to be wrong, or told that we are wrong. That is what the same about you and me. We have our opinions and we are not afraid to fight for them, sometimes I am, besides you do sometimes scare me, seriously. um, I have actually come to accept that being like you is a good thing, because you are a strong and powerful woman. In fact you are the true symbol of what a woman should be, and that is why when I grow up, I want to be just like you. I want to be independent, I want to be fierce, I want to be strong, and I want to be beautiful, just like you. You help be to reach my goals, and with out you I would not have any goals, so with out you, I would be like Douglas : ) jk.
I want to wish you a happy whatever age you are birthday and I do not really know what you’re getting but whatever it is I hope you like it. Umm HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND ILY!!<3
reasons i tend to not talk
- people always interrupt me to tell another story because apparently my story isn’t good enough for their ears
- i sound like an idiot who just learned to talk two hours ago
- people seem disinterested in what i’m saying
- i hate my voice
- i have something really mean to say
- i hate you
- i repeat because this happens a lot: people interrupt me and never let me finish and i feel really shitty about myself because no one seems to want to listen to me